Marriage

DH and I recently had a discussion about monogamy and whether or not it’s truly possible in human nature, especially as we are looking at living longer as a species. We, after a long discussion, came to the conclusion that monogamy has little to do with the organs between our legs but much more to do with the one between our ears.

A monogamous marriage is a choice. And in this world, it is often a choice made over and over and over again. My husband hungers to understand people, all people, everywhere. He’s a people watcher, and half the population of this planet is women, so he watches women, a lot. I like to get to know people, males and females, and that occasionally can be troublesome and present either of us or both of us with the choice as to whether or not we’re going to stay monogamous. (For those of you who are curious, the answer is yes).

Given the amount of temptation out there, why do two people remain monogamous? What makes them repeatedly chose the one they’re with? Why is there no one I can think of on the planet who could actually get me into their bed? Not Pierce Brosnon, not Stewart Townsen, or Tom Cruise, or Catherine Zeta Jones or anyone else. There was a time when I might have gotten on a plane to fly across this country to “be” with someone else. I didn’t. Why? Because my husband said two words “Don’t go” and the spell was broken. And I never looked back.

Now, neither my husband or I are conventionally attractive. When the sun hit his hair just so my heart shudders. When he looks at me with his dark hazel eyes I’m spell bound. His smile lights up my world. His brain is incredible. I think he’d say much the same sort of thing about me.

Why are we still together? Why are we not chasing the myriad of bunnies who have hopped through our lives? Home field advantage!

Yep, Home Field Advantage is the reason. If, you have done your job right, and you know your mate then you should have no problem at all with executing a full court press. Why is that a man will get a video game and learn every nuance of that game before playing it against others but you have a brain block against getting to know your wives and then you can’t figure out why you get fragged. Or he’ll know every stat of every player he’s about to add to his fantasy sport team, but won’t know that his wife prefers a certain brand of chocolate. Women…you use all your whiles, your brains, and everything else to catch him, to set the hook, but once you get him you stop doing much of that for him. You may do it for yourself, for your corporate image, but you don’t do it for your man. Monogamy is about knowing your spouse, knowing what makes them tick, and using that to keep their attention.

Disclaimer time: If you are in a psychologically or physically abusive relationship, get out. That is NOT about him/her knowing you better, it’s about him/her using their knowledge AGAINST you, not for you.

If you believe that you shouldn’t have to do anything to keep your mate, then you deserve what you get.

My husband is the only male who turns my head, to me he is everything I could ever want in a man. He knows me, and he wants to keep getting to know me. He’ll spend the next week looking everywhere to find me the perfect Christmas present, and he’ll succeed and I won’t even know it’s the perfect present until I get it. Last year it was a bag and in that bag was a wonderful snowflake pin, a soft stuffed bear, a number of hair clips, ribbons, and holders, and a shower cap. Sounds utilitarian doesn’t it? The pin was one I had stopped to stare at two weeks before because I realized I had no seasonal pins. The soft teddy bear fit perfectly under my head when I went to sleep, better than a pillow ever could. The hair do-dads were his way of reminding me that while I’m at work, up in a bun is fine, but when I’m with him, he wants to see it down so he can touch it. The shower cap was something I’ve needed for years and wouldn’t buy for myself. Now I can take long wonderful showers and not futz around with slightly damp hair afterwards.

Home Field Advantage, ladies and gentlemen, that’s what makes monogamy possible. It is what makes monogamy so wonderful. Use the organ between your ears before you engage the one between your legs.