Now isn't this interesting...

You are The Star

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Star is one of the great cards of faith, dreams realised

The Star is a card that looks to the future. It does not predict any immediate or powerful change, but it does predict hope and healing. This card suggests clarity of vision, spiritual insight. And, most importantly, that unexpected help will be coming, with water to quench your thirst, with a guiding light to the future. They might say you're a dreamer, but you're not the only one.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

A discordant note in the merry melody of my new life...

Wow, how things have changed since that last post.

I did graduate Summa Cum Laude. The Friday before graduation I got a call from a job I had interviewed for in Nashville. Honestly, I did not think for one moment I had a chance. Shows you what I know. I've been working for the company for about a month now. I'm their software catchall. I had no idea all the things I had not learned in college, but I'm learning them now on the fly which is fun, if a bit nerve-wracking. My boss is awesome. A.W.E.S.O.M.E. as is my team. I can't believe how cool this place is. While I'm not curing cancer I am working for a company that provides a very important service to the world, so I can feel good about that.

We've moved to Nashville and have a great apartment that we're still trying to fill up with stuff. All we lack is two computer desks and maybe a new tv. That will all come in time. Currently I'm totally enjoying wireless access and a cable modem.

On a sad note, one of our fur-kids didn't make it through the move. She bolted about 8 hours before we were going to move the last three and punched through a screen. We've searched and searched for her, and nothing. DH is deeply bothered by her loss, and I don't blame him. I've not been as patient with him as I would like to be and I'm working on it. I miss her deeply, but I deseperately want to get settled and enjoy my new location and sometimes his talking about how it isn't complete without her slams me down out of my good mood and that irks me which upsets me because I feel like I've failed him by being irked at him. Bizarre creature I am sometimes, I'm afraid.

Well, there's a program that needs some serious work, and while my boss and team may be patient with me, I am not as patient with myself and would very much like to get this bloody thing working by the end of the day.

Life is good, but there's something missing in the melody of my existence. To the fur girls we've all left behind either alive and lost or over the rainbow bridge in the last weeks, I dedicate this entry to Fozzel, Isis and Salsa. We'll miss you, ladies, life won't be the same without you, and neither will we.

I get by with a little help from my friends

As of about 20 minutes ago…

I have completed all the work for my BS in IT.

If I may brag a bit…

On May 6, 2006 I will be graduating Summa Cum Laude
The score on my exit exam was in the top 5 of the entire senior class of my large University
I am a member of The Golden Key Honour Society as well as The National Society of Collegate Scholars.
I am the first to graduate from my university with all my classes taken online in this program.

My final GPA will be a 3.912 with a 3.95 in my degree program

I have proven all of the nay sayers wrong.  I succeeded where so many have said I could never possibly succeed.  I have done it with the love and support of a husband, my best friend and dearest supporter, who deserves every ounce of my gratitude and then scads more.  

Despite the road blocks thrown up by someone who should have been supporting me I did it and damn you to hell for trying to guilt me into thinking I was somehow lacking because I didn’t do it your way, instead I did it MY way and look where it got me.  

And to all my friends who have listened to me whine and complain, and rant, and cry over the past five years…thank you!  I would also like to thank the academy…oh wait wrong speech :D

I DID IT…with a little help from my friends!

Nashvegas

Met with The Company yesterday and they were very nice.  Far smaller than I thought, but very nice and in a great area.  I fell in love with Nashville.  I think DH did as well because we both are suffering from “smalltown-it is” and are cranky.  Being in Nashvegas with him was great and I want to go back so badly.  I can do the work, and they need me now to convince them of that since Boss/Father is being pissy about things, not that I blame him since his life is in the toilet, but I’m not the one who flushed it.  I sense jealousy from him that there’s a future out there for me, but I can’t live my life for him anymore.  

Best part about this whole move thing is that I can’t wait to have a place for just my family where we can discover and learn about a new city.  Nashville is beautiful, and warm, even the traffic isn’t that bad, you just have to be patient with it. A couple of my other friends are looking for new jobs as well, so send all your “Good Job” vibes our way, and for the one about to pop too!

So much change, I should be terrified, but you know what, I don’t think I am.

More job stuff...

Well now…

I have two interviews tomorrow in Nashvegas and the other job that dropped me is asking me to come up and train with them and do some remote work for them at a very nice price.  I’m a bit stunned.  More than anything, right now I just want to curl up and make the world go away for just a tiny little bit.  I know change is good and all that, and I’ll embrace it, but does it really have to move this quickly? (  The weekend was good up until dad decided that chasing me down was a good idea and that really bugs me when he does that which probably is adding to my stress level.

Obladi oblada

You know, one good thing that came about during all of this mess is that I have come to understand an aspect of my husband I’ve never experienced before in any relationship.  He really is behind me 100%.  I have never heard nor seen him as angry as he was with this company.  I honestly believe that if he could have throttled someone he would have, meanwhile he was caring and gentle with me.  I have to admit the two sides of the coin are incredibly attractive.

Friday we spent time with DS and his birthday which was strained to the max for him.  On Saturday we got up and realized we were all edgy and really didn’t want to be at home so we piled into the car.  Great therapy.  Unclaimed freight was a huge let down so we headed to Chattanooga.  Car runs great, it should since repairing it put a huge bite into the moving fund.  Went to Barnes and Nobel and found two really neat inexpensive books, one in C# and one in PhotoShop for myself and the hubby.  Oh…we went out to breakfast too so that DS could have his favorite pancakes since dinner the night before was so uncomfortable.  We went to the used book store and there staring me in the face was the O’Reilly C# Cookbook for $10 which is a great buy so I’m all stocked up on programming texts, and I admit to buying a romance novel as well.  DS got to spend his birthday money on books and then the left over on a two stage rocket thingamabobber he played with all day on Sunday.  Sunday was more edginess but I did get some homework done.

The Business manager from the company is hounding me for writing, code, and webdesign samples.  DH is encouraging me to send them and I think he’s right.  I could use the feedback and the possibility for part time contract work is hard to pass up.  I doubt I’d ever trust this company to hire me full time but additional work is always a good thing.  

What will be will be.  Nothing else I can do, really.  I just hope that these requests for information are legit and not this guy basically trying to let me down easy, which never works on me anyways.

Too good to be true

Oh well, guess I won’t be going to Nashville shrug. They called to say that they didn’t need me right now, maybe later. Year right…like I’m going to trust them again. I can say all the things one says right now like, These things happen, I don’t need them any way, God doesn’t shut a door without opening a window…blah, blah, blah, but right now it just doesn’t seem to matter. I’m disappointed. Mostly because, well I was looking forward to the time away with DH in a new place and a schance to really get a feeling for how thing worked in the busines. There isn’t much more to say, I guess. I’m sad, and hurt and ashamed even thought I know I had nothing to do with this. But I guess this means I have more time to write code, and now I can sleep in tonight. After celebrating my newly minted 12 year old’s birthday of course. I sent the guy an e-mail apologizing for my attitude, assuring him I held no ill will against him and wished him all the best. What else is there to do, really?

Bonzai!!!!

I’m going for it.  I report at 9:30 Monday morning!  I am soooooooo excited.  I was panic stricken for the past 36 hours, but you know what, I can’t wait!  Come back here often, I’ll keep you up to date on this new adventure!

Meep...

Seems they liked my 3.  They just offered me $18 an hour for 6 weeks, but I’d have to commute 90 miles one way, so basically 200 miles a day to work.  In a car that is less than reliable.

Now what do I do?

A 3?

The job search continues.  Had a good lead, got stumped on a “rank yourself from 0-10” question.  No excuses, I simply had no idea how to answer the question.  The more I thought about this during my walk this morning the more I realized that there was no right answer.  Had I said “I can’t possibly do so with the information given” I would have been too timid.  Had I said “I’m a 3” I would have lacked ambition.  I said “5 or 6” which I comprehended as slightly above average and he blasted me telling me I’d be lucky to be a 3.  At first I was really peeved about this, but you know what.  This 3 would have been one of the better 3s he would have seen come through his office.  I don’t want to work for a company that treats people that way.

I was really depressed about it last night, covers over my head depressed.  I’ve got over it.  Updated my Monster Resume, added something to the over all one and I’m going to work on my portfolio tonight.  I may be down, but I’m sure not out.

It is soooo..

Not all about you.

After sitting here for a good hour listening to someone go on and on and on about something going on in their life and realizing they honestly think it's all about them, I came to a conclusion. It isn't all about anyone. That's a hard thing to understand when you really think about it. Not even the stuff going on in my life is all about me. I'm just a part of the whole big thing. Sure there are moments when I get to say look at me, but really, even my life isn't all about me. We have to work together, live together, love together and lose together.


Be nice to people, you don't get to be a snot and then figure everything is going to be ok. If you are nice then guess what, you don't get to complain when bad things happen to you. Honestly, call it what you want, but what you put out there into the world is in all likelyhood what you're going to get back. Is it so hard to let someone into traffic ahead of you? To acknowledge when you made a poor choice, take the consequences, learn and move on instead of raging at how unfair life is? Geez, get over yourself.


Just be nice. Anything else is asking for trouble and if you ask for it, don't come whining to me about how you just got your butt kicked by life.

Oh...and all the poop that is happening...is YOUR fault, not mine, so don't expect me to stick around to watch you go down. Doesn't matter how old you are, how "Christian" you have acted, and how much information you know about people, or how much you rant and rave. In the end you are still, like all of us, an ugly bag of mostly water.

Life is going to be good for us three and what is going on right now is just buying me time and money so that when the time does come I can just leave and know that I don't ever have to come back.

I'll be a good worker bee..

---the bestest, I promise.

After apologies and what not...not to mention a good hard look at my budget, I'm back at work. Every tiny pay check is that much less that has to come out of the moving fund. To say work is bad is an understatement. It's a sinking ship, and everytime I plug a whole my boss blows a bigger one. I can't save him from himself and he blames everything on me.

I'm applying for jobs in the Chattanooga/Nashville area and I've gotten a number of nudges, even a nibble, but that's it. I've got a 3.9, I'm an adult, I work my tail off and I can't find a job in the 100+ resumes I've handed out. So at the risk of sounding horribly desperate...

Would someone please hire me, please. I'm a hard worker, I'm smart, a quick study, and I'll be loyal to a fault. I feel like the older dog at the end of the hall at the pound watching all the puppies go before me.

On an up note, there's a future out there somewhere and a nummy dinner waiting for me at home. DH loves me, gods only know why, and we'll manage this. Now I just need to survive the next...75 minutes.

I'll miss you, Daddy

The man who inhabits the body of the man I have loved as my father for so many years, is not the dad who used to tie my shoes, taught me to ride a bike, and who would sit and talk to me for hours. I won't go into details, but for reasons all my own, today I severed all ties with him. I cry when the phone rings and see is number then listen to the angry message. I ache when I hear him say how the consequences will be dire if I don't do what he wants me to do. I am a mother. I will mother a hurt rock if I think it would do any good. It is who I am. What I am not is a martyr. He doesn't want me around any more and I don't want to be around him. No one can fault me for trying to be a good daughter and love him, care for him, and in general just be a good person in his life. He doesn't want that, he doesn't want to be thought of or taken care of. He doesn't want me around. He wants his own life.

So, dad, God Bless you, Goddess Bless You, and I wish you the brightest, bestest future you can have. I wish you contentment, and I wish you peace.

I love you, daddy. Good Bye

New Digs

What do you think of the new look? :)

I had a blast doing it. I thought we could use some color around here.

Well now...

Hmm…something is different.  I don’t have a headache.  My stomach isn’t in knots.  Is that a smile.  Woah, what’s that warm fuzzy feeling?

Good googly moogly…by jinkies…I think the gnomeinmyhead and I are happy.  Really contented and happy.  Hopeful for the future.  What a neat feeling!  It’s been so very long.

My parents are divorced and I’m FREE!!! YAY!!! They’ve screwed their lives up so badly that there’s no hope so I’m done coddling them.

DH and I have been talking about what we want our family life to be like and I’m excited.  Not a single bit scared.  Excited out of my mind, truthfully!  Think about it, what’s better than discovering a brand new place with your best bestest friend?  If you answered, not a darn thing, you’d be very right.  And you know what…I get to live the rest of my life with my bestest best friend!  And he’s cute too!  Good gravy, who would have thunk it?!

TEE HEE!

*wonders off to giggle and program because I’m that awake!*

As usual…it’s all Suz’s Fault

     

Four jobs I have had in my life:

• Amusement Park Game Runner


• Pizza Delivery


• Customer Representative for major insurance company


• Office manager

Four movies I would watch over and over again:

• Underworld


• A Walk in the Clouds


• Queen of the Damned


• Seven Years in Tibet

Four places I have lived:

• Bloomsburg, PA


• Chattanooga, TN


• Monteagle, TN

Four TV shows I love to watch:

• Battlestar Galactica


• Stargate SG


• Good Eats


• Anything on The Learning Channel

Four places I have been on vacation:

• Savanna GA


• Providence, RI


• Edmonton Alberta Canada


• San Fransciso, CA

Four websites I visit daily:

• www.myyahoo.com


• www.webct.com (school)


• The Wagon


• http://mtsu.erecruiting.com/er/security/login.jsp (someone please hire me! :D)

Four of my favourite foods:

• Chocolate


• Pizza


• Warm fresh bread with garlic and olive oil


• Mangos

Four places I'd rather be right now

• At home


• At a new job in an new place


• Greece


• Ireland

For every thing there is a season...

I've been thinking about endings and beginnings alot recently. I know that I won't see another mountain winter, or see my father drive into the drive way after work, or spend the afternoon sitting by the pool to go upstairs and grab a cool shower and take a nap, or play cards with mom and dad and jon, watch the lighting crack across the mountain across the way, ever again. My life is full of these moments right now. As the last days of this break before school starts play out, it's hit me how different my life is going to be this time next year, no matter what happens. I'm not depressed about it or anything, but maybe I am a bit wistful, probably because the beginnings seem further away than the endings right now. Change does not come easily to me, but I am learning.

That being said...I just ordered my last batch of books for this degree and while my credit card is probably ecstatic to never have to do that again, I'm happy/sad.

New meaning to the levels of hell

Scientologists
Circle I Limbo

DMV Employees
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

General asshats
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

Parents who bring squalling brats to R-rated movies
Circle IV Rolling Weights

Republicans
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

Rednecks
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

Osama bin Laden
Circle VII Burning Sands

George Bush
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

Saddam Hussein
Circle IX Frozen in Ice

Design your own hell